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June 18, 2010

I had two goals for this summer. One was needed to get to the next. Todd and I started looking at houses this spring.  Well, we figured out to get one that would not need a major overhaul in order for me to live in it, without extreme allergy reactions, we needed to bring in more money. There for I started looking for a job, yikes! I have applied for well over 25 jobs in the Watertown area. Have had a few interviews and well no offers.

I have been praying like crazy about this. The house we are renting right now is a mold mine and well it just keeps getting worse and I keep feeling worse. Alone with that is that it is only a two bedroom house and well with 6 people and two animals, it is quite full. Also we do not have room for a kitchen table, we have been using a kids table and desk as our tables, as they are both in the living room. The boys are out growing this table. We have living in this house for four years, it has worked for us we have made it work, but my once little children are not so little any more.

As of right now I feel like I am at a stand still. I am very happy that I get to be home with my children. I love it! It is just not moving us forward and maybe that is not God’s will right now, I am not very good and knowing the signs, well unless is completely slaps me in the face. With this though brings on a slight depression. I try not to get down about ultimately not being good enough for a job, but there is is, that is how it feels. It is like living in limbo between having a great time at home with the kids, but not being able to provide for them. When Todd worked his last job, it was not really a problem… he made a little more and there was always overtime. This job is basically a salary job, with less pay.

I know in my heart in the end it will all work out and I know I have to have patience, but this is how things have seemed for the past ten years. I am almost 30, I should have made something of myself by now. I think this is what is most likely comes down to. This year I turn 30 and next year is my golden birthday… I have waited a long time for that and I wanted it to be grand… yes it was a want, not a need and I am slowly learning that most of my wants are not needed and I get by and have a happy life without them.

Yes, I will keep praying that this will work out for the best, whether that be what is in my head as the best or what I will look back at in the future as being the best. As for right now I will keep enjoying my days as home with my kids and sewing my creations until another adventure comes my way, at least that is what I will try telling my self.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. themakinglife permalink
    June 24, 2010 6:38 pm

    First of all, a wife, mother of 4 beautiful children, and successful homemaker can NOT say that she hasn’t “made something” of herself!! You are doing what is probably the most important job on God’s green earth!
    Secondly, I understand the frustrations of job searching and big life transitions, and the realization that God’s will doesn’t always match up with ours. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Don’t lose hope!

  2. June 26, 2010 3:08 pm

    You know you are always in our thoughts and prayers. I hope you two catch a break soon. 30 isn’t so bad and neither is 31. 😉

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